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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Silence is Crimson 

Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of the London Bus and Underground bombings. There will be another two-minute silence.

In some ways, it seems like yesterday but in others it seems a lot longer ago than a year.

We had a two-minute silence last year about a week after the bombings. I wonder how I will feel this time? Last year's silence was a bit of a strange time for me. As well as the ultra-strange sensation of London quiet, I remember, almost for the first time, actually thinking, really thinking, about what the silence was all about. Other one or two minute silences were, for me, just a mark of respect and triggered no real emotional response. This was different, it was, to use a much-worn cliché, personal.

Oddly, my predominant emotion was not fear or pity or sadness but utter and almost all-consuming rage. I could not, and still cannot, believe how angry I was against the people who had blown themselves up killing many others and injuring many more.

I don't know how I will react tomorrow or if I will at all. After the bombings last year I noticed that my attitude towards armed police had changed from wariness to "go get the bastards!" Last night, on my walk to Charing Cross, I passed an armed policeman, the first I had seen for several months. When I say armed, he wasn't just carrying a pistol, he was fully togged-up in kevlar body-armour and carrying a semi-automatic machine-gun. I was surprised to feel the return of my normal wariness and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

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