Monday, May 24, 2010

Dyson hand dryers 

You know those new Dyson airblade hand dryers? They’re meant to be more efficient and dry your hands a lot quicker. They have a simple set of instructions printed in very basic pictures on the top. There are two:

  1. Insert wet hands
  2. Draw out slowly over 10 seconds.

The idea is that the air from the dryer both pushes most of the water off the hands as you draw them out and dry the remainder with hot air. Simple.

Why then do most men do this … ?

  1. Insert hands quickly.
  2. Draw out just as quickly.
  3. Repeat steps 1 and 2 until the drier stops.
  4. Walk off complaining that it doesn’t work.

Is it the usual male thing of not reading instructions, I wonder? Even instructions that have two steps and are diagrams anyway? Or is it the male thing about knowing better?

Is it just men who are this stupid?

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The Mallen Patch 

When I was a teenager, there was a period drama on television called “The Mallens” which was adapted from a book called “The Mallen Streak”. All that I remember of this show was that members of the Mallen family all had characteristic black hair with a white streak running up from the forehead. This was the Mallen Streak.

I have a Mallen Patch. It grows in my beard on the left hand side of my face and is an almost exact square with each side about an inch and a half in length. This has troubled me for a while. What should I do with it?

For a time, I tried trimming the top edge down so that I just had the bit along the jaw. I wasn’t keen on that. For one thing it is a terrible job to keep the beard symmetrical and for another if made me look like I was a used-car salesman who’d just escaped from 1978.

So I decided to grow the sides back a couple of weeks ago. The memory of my Mallen Patch had faded and I thought that it couldn’t really be as bad as I thought.

Wrong! It was worse. Amidst the darker hair the white square loomed like a beacon.

I don’t mind going grey. I have a lot of grey and white scattered around my beard as it is. I think though, that having a white square on my cheek looks a bit silly. So for the moment I have a goatee again.

That will remain until I get bored with it, get irritated with shaving, make a mistake with the trimming or forget how bad my Mallen Patch looks.

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