Monday, June 08, 2009
Most people react to a party invitation with the words “oh, great!” I, however, will have the words “oh, dear” in my head.
I really am no good at parties. My few social skills disappear, I listen much more than I speak and when I do get a few words out they are more than likely incoherent. I find myself saying things my Dad would have said and cringing about them the same way I did when he said them.
Yesterday, David and I went to a garden party. I was having a pleasant enough time but I was conscious of not drifting far from David and of not participating very much in conversations. I definitely didn’t initiate any and the only time I was on my own was just before we left and David had gone to the toilet. I could, at that point, made random conversation with people but, no, I decided to go and look at some plants.
I find this deeply infuriating. I would like to be more sociable but I find it very hard sometimes. I have improved since I was a gawky awkward teenager and on rare occasions I can talk to new people but not often. Definitely not yesterday.