Strange Thoughts of a Strange Man

One of my friends recently tried to persuade me to join a group called OUT and take part in their discussion groups and events. OUT is a LGBT social networking group that has existed for many years and is intended for all the people who are LGB or T. Lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender, I assume.

There are meetings, talks, events and special interest groups, apparently, where LGBT people can get together and talk about stuff. Stuff that other people talk about all the time.

Why does the LGBT community need special groups to talk about photography or art or books? Or to see a show or visit a museum? I don’t think a photography group would be any better if everyone in it was gay. I wouldn’t think talking about my favourite shows would be enhanced if I was only talking with other gay men.

Why can’t we just do things with other people regardless of their sexuality? There are photography groups out there, there are theatre groups, there are writing groups and art groups.

Why do we have to do things in our own gay community, anyway? Why do we still feel the need to herd ourselves into a ghetto?

Sexuality is only part of what makes a person. It shouldn’t be a defining characteristic and it shouldn’t limit our interactions with the world to others that share our preferences.

Yes, I know it's nice to let your hair down and not have to watch what you say to avoid offending the straights but is that really a good enough reason to hide yourself away?

Labels: gay

I went for a bit of shopping at lunchtime. I didn't intend to buy anything, I just fancied a bit of a walk but my feet led me past Uni-qlo and I remembered I wanted a new fleece so I popped in.

In the queue to pay I got stuck behind two bears who were buying something. They weren't in any hurry and had a lovely chat with the salesman about his shirt and how much they loved the tiles on the wall behind the till (apparently made of glass on a white surface).

They were really living the stereotype - typical bearish butch bald head, butch facial hair, butch clothes and, of course, camper than a collection of pink tents in Earl's Court.

All very lovely and amusing and I am sure they were perfectly nice men. They really hit it off with the salesman as well but ... what about me? I was stuck behind this pair waiting to pay for my fleece and there were no other salesmen.

Times like that can send you homophobic.

Labels: Bear, gay, Stereotype, Uni-qlo

I read about this in the paper the other day. I didn't pay much attention to it other than to think "silly cow" and turn the page. Then someone sent me an article from the Independent which I read and became a little annoyed.

In essence the story is that an Islington registrar has refused to conduct civil partnership cermonies on religious grounds. The council took action against her but she has had her views upheld by the court and can now legally refuse to conduct civil ceremonies.

The reason the Independent article made me annoyed with this woman is that she claims that she objects on religious grounds and yet is a registrar who, on a daily basis, marries people who have been married before and straight couples who have been living together before deciding to "make it legal". Both types of wedding should be just as objectionable in religious terms as a civil ceremony, which is, strictly speaking, not a wedding in any case.

She seems to have no objections to secular straight ceremonies and yet does object to gay unions.

Homophobia? Looks like it to me.

Legally permitted homophobia? Looks like that as well. And that's worrying.

Labels: gay, Homophobia, Islington

David and I seem to do well in selecting holiday accommodation. We liked Sygun Fawr in Beddgelert in North Wales so much we have been there four years on the trot and now we have discovered the Tremarne Hotel in Mevagissey in Cornwall.

Both places are clean, well presented and have fantastic views of their surroundings. They also have wonderful food and are small and cosy, avoiding the facelessness of huge corporate hotels but managing to keep some distance which is difficult to avoid in some guesthouses.

Our room at the Tremarne was huge, had a bed that was big enough for me and David (and we are not small, let me tell you) and, wonderfully for the UK, a balcony.

The other reason we liked both places is that they are run by gay couples but are not obviously gay. This makes a huge but indefinable difference.

Labels: gay, Holiday, Hotel

I often read, and sometimes write, posts on b3ta.com's question of the week. This week's subject has been "kids" with the intention that people leave amusing stories about themselves as children or about children they know.

Most of the stories have been along those lines and have been very funny as well. There have, however, been the odd one or two posts that have been about people's choices to not have children because "the world is too populated". These posts have resulted in arguments.

That led me to question my own choice to remain childless and I thought I would dump that train of thought here.

Many people would think that being gay was enough of a barrier to having children however I do know of several gay men who are fathers. Some fathered children before they had accepted their own sexuality. Others have entered into arrangements to produce children and some have adopted.

I don’t want to adopt and I don’t want to get to know a lesbian with a turkey baster. I don't actually think I would want children even if I were straight.

Why?

Basically, I don't think I would be a good father.

I didn’t get on all that well with my own father when I was a kid. He wasn’t abusive in any way. He didn’t really relate to children that well. With my mother I knew I was loved and wanted but not with my father. There was always some distance.

Whether this was because I was a late baby (both my parents were 43 when I was born) or because their marriage was fraying at the edges by the time I arrived, is anyone’s guess. Whatever the reason I think my Dad possibly resented my arrival at such a point in his life.

I didn’t really understand my father until long after his death when I discovered that not only did I look like him but, to a great extent, I behave and think like him as well. Indeed, apart from me being gay, I could be a clone of my father.

This is one of the reasons I think I would be a bad father.

I know that a child would grate enormously in my life and that I would probably resent its presence. Worse, I know that I probably would be as cold a father as my Dad was to me. I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone.

Of course, knowing or thinking you would be a bad father hasn't stopped other people breeding. The difference with me and with other gay people and with people who want to adopt is that we have to make some sort of effort to bring children into our lives.

We're not like rutting chavs dropping kids left right and centre just because we couldn't keep our tracksuits on.

Labels: Children, fatherhood, gay

According to StatCounter, someone found my website by Googling "Rob is fat".

I tried it out. Not only does "Rob is fat" find my website but the site is the top of the list.

"Rob is 40" gets the same result but "Rob is bald" has my site as number 2. "Rob is gay" doesn't have my site anywhere in the first two pages.

And "beard scotland" in an image search still brings my site out as the first one.

Labels: Age, Bald, Beard, Fame, Fat, gay, Google, Site, Web

Labels: gay, Organ donor, Registration

Labels: gay, gaydar

Labels: euphemism, gay, Throwing a sock upstairs